This blog post was written by Cynthia Christensen, who is the author of “Restorative Grief: A Guide to Healing From Adoption.” Cynthia is a birth mother advocate, special needs advocate, adoption speaker, and homeschooling mom of two boys. You can learn more about Cynthia and her ministry at her website.
I Would Never Give My Baby To Someone Else To Raise
Famous last words, eh? Never in and of itself is a word that should be avoided like the plague! I remember sitting in a crisis pregnancy center speaking those words to the counselor that was trying to introduce the idea of adoption to my 20 year old self. My first pregnancy ever, and I remember the words slipping out of my mouth with ease and confidence as if I just said them yesterday…”I would never give my baby to someone else to raise.”
I was not planning my pregnancy and in all senses of the word, it was a crisis, but I was going to raise my baby and be the best mom ever. Period.
Little did I know at the time, those words would be forever etched into my mind and I would recall them often. It would have shocked my 20 year old self to the core if I could have seen into a future where the only option I would consider would be adoption. But that would be just how life would turn out for me. 7 years after I sat in that crisis pregnancy center for the first time, I would sit there again for the last time. Another positive test, another bad relationship, and a woman so completely at the end of her rope the only thing on her mind is adoption. Nothing like the 20 year old who had life by the tail; the woman who was going to be the best mother ever. Nope; now all I saw was a completely worn-down, exhausted, broken woman. I needed change and I needed it yesterday.
Enter the type of resolve that can only come from God. I knew what God wanted me to do this time. He was asking me to put all selfish desires aside, to step out of myself, and choose life in a whole new way…by embracing open adoption. 7 years prior I wouldn’t give it a second thought. On that day however, I couldn’t stop giving it thought. I felt it to the core of my being. It was right. I am hearing Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” in my head right now, and truly, nothing else did matter — just what was best for the two little boys I already had at home and what was best for the little one growing inside of me.
Open adoption has been such a blessing for my family and when I see the connection that made two families become one, I can’t imagine it any other way. Do I worry about the details sometimes? The questions that can and do come my way at the most unexpected times? Sure. Just as believing in God is a leap of faith because there are so many unknowns that have yet to fall into place, adoption also is a huge leap of faith. It is carefully, methodically, and lovingly placing the one card in your deck that you can control face up on the table and saying you trust that every single one of the other cards will fall where they may on purpose.
That is tough to swallow. Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be will be. Placing that one, hand-selected card in the best position possible, crossing fingers, and praying for the best. That is faith at work. Faith that…He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6). Faith that He who began a good work in your child will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Believing in God to work in your child’s life and never let your dear baby out of His grip.
I have learned (mostly) the lesson of never saying never. Always consider your nevers, because that scenario may come…and it may not be so far-fetched and scary as you think. It could end up adding to your life instead of subtracting from it.